"I went to see old friends there, to see what they might say
The old ones were all dead and gone, the young ones turning gray..."
So that's depressing right? Totally. Sometimes I can't hold some depressing crap from getting through and assualting my brain like a runaway train. At some point that train is gonna get stopped sure, but before it does it's gonna mess some shit up! So anyhow, I hear this and I'm like, "If I'm dead, will I leave anything for anyone to carry on? Something to help others or something????" The answer was simple and cut deep. No. Ok, realize that video games don't count and nobody will give 2 rusty nails about Facebook. I hadn't started anything that helps others, or something that other people could benefit from.
Enter Sarah Embreezy. This girl is a rock when she needs to be, but so caring and giving and thoughtful, it's really astounding. I remember people like her from my childhood, they were the kind lady's of the bell choir and at church. People like my mom, my grandmas, pop, and assorted neighbors. I have a few friends like that now, but it's not an overwhelming character trait most people have anymore. It seems like everyone is looking out for themselves. I know of plenty of companies that care less and less about employees, which can sometimes filter down.....I digress
Sarah said I should look to get donations, and then help people. I didn't think twice about it. But here I am one crappy cloudy, rainy Monday and I thought "F*** it" and found the website for donations. I looked around at the other causes and saw a ton of crazy awesome ideas. At the end of the day my mind floated back to the last time I had this. I had just received the bone marrow treatment, after 3 or 4 days of high intensity radiation in a row, and then a massive dose of chemo that brought me to my knees. Figuratively of course, I was laying on my back like a walrus, unable to move or think without my body whining. Once I got home later that night I had my attache case of love hooked into my veins (think of an intravenous CamelBak, that pumped fluid into your body) and there I was laying on the couch. I had to get up for something and literally took a knee. I was so out of breath and achy that I got lightheaded and instead of passing out I took a second. Well that turned into minutes. I couldn't get my damn breath back. By this time my mom had noticed and was on the phone with the nurse hotline. They wanted me to talk to them, so through labored gasps i answered their questions. Now, the most comforting place in the world is your own bed, and the most comforting people are your parents. I didn't want to leave this environment. But I had to....you know to survive. Turns out I had a pulmonary emboylism (blood clot in my lungs) and their big worry at the hospital was that it would move to by brain and explode. So they admitted me to the hospital. For the next week I sat there flirting with every nurse that came into my room, unsuccessfully soliciting the opportunity to give me a sponge bath. I was NEAR death, not dead yet ;) . This always got some laughs, and they seemed to be more liberal with the morphine/advil/painkillers. That was nice, I couldn't eat for like that whole week and lost about 15 lbs easy. I was talking to one of the nurses about the kids, she said they get clowns and magicians sometimes, and the kids love that crap. I said, what kind of gifts do they get? She kind of looked at me and was like "Gifts? Uhhh, I mean, somtimes people donate at like Christmas...." . I'm no better than the rest when it comes to donating, sometimes I'm so strapped for cash it's a miracle I can afford to eat. Other times I was so laden with cash, I'd buy all night at the various pubs and bars. But donating quickly fell from my mind. That's where I need to fix a few things.
Having something that will outlast me is a kind gesture, but being the driving force behind it is where the impacts are made. I started "Guardians of Hope" with one thing in mind. Kids. Some kids get cancer and are almost immediately terminal. How the shit is that fair? Some of these little dudes don't get to experience 10 springs.....think about that. The ratio of smiles to frowns with these kids is like 100/1. They are just bad ass. You ever pass through a boneyard to visit fallen friends, grandparents etc? Theres always that section of tiny headstones, that seem to be closer together. The first time you realize it's kids in the ground there, or in urns, evokes such an emotional response some are just completely overwhelmed and break down. So that's why I'm doing this. These little heroes deserve more than I can ever give, but I can gather cool gifts and watch them smile. Knowing you are behind like a dozen smiles a second is more rewarding than anything I can think of. I knew I couldn't do it alone, so instead of taking a motorcycle trip all about me, I've decided to take money and give it to the kids. I plan on getting to the southeast and along the way for that trip I'll run into hospitals where I can help. Why not right? Those kids might look up and say "oh this guy, he's crazy! Getting chemo for like 5 months and riding his motorcycle all over?! I can totally beat this and do that too!".
Thanks to everyone that's donated so far, and in the future! This has become my mission, the only place to go is up even higher. Feel free to leave suggestions in the comment section. I'll need help with this when I get my bone marrow transplant whenever they find a donor, so the more people we can get behind this now, the better it'll be in the future!
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